I Don’t Like Macklemore but Here’s a List of People Who Might & Also I Rated Gemini Out of Ten

A few weeks ago, Macklemore released Gemini, his first independent studio album since 2005’s The Language of My World. As a native Seattleite, I’ve talked and written about Macklemore extensively everywhere from college classes to my terrible, now-defunct independent blog. At this point, I feel as if writing any more about him is somewhat of a fruitless exercise. You know how I feel. I know how I feel. Fans of Macklemore will always want more Mackle-ing.

Yet, for some reason, I always find myself taking time out of my busy schedule of listening to Lorde and NBA YoungBoy to let The Mack’s smooth beats Mackle all up into my ear canals through the $7 Panasonic earbuds I take terrible care of, accidentally destroy, and subsequently repurchase from Amazon on a monthly basis. Macklemore isn’t for me, and he never will be for me, but he is for some folks. Some folks that aren’t so good, but also some other folks that I think are pretty swell. Anyway, instead of writing a review (writing is hard and no one reads the actual text anyway), I decided to just give readers what they really want (a rating) and devise a list of people who might enjoy Gemini so you may easier decide whether or not to purchase it from The Wal-Mart.

 Gemini is an album for:

  • People who follow Neil DeGrasse Tyson on Twitter.

  • Your cousin that’s so old he’s basically your uncle.

  • People who use the term “mumble rap.”

  • An acquaintance who offers up their phone for music at a party, and the only rappers in their library are Chance the Rapper and Amine.

  • Your Facebook friends who donated to Kony 2012.

  • Your Facebook friends who pleaded for others to donate Kony 2012, but never actually donated themselves.

  • Your rural cousin who decided to expand her musical palate beyond Twenty One Pilots.

  • College freshman who play “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes on acoustic guitar in the quad.

  • Your friend who only listens to rap that “requires a certain degree of intelligence to appreciate.”

  • People who use the TouchTunes app on their iPhone to play J. Cole at a dive bar.

  • People who don’t know who Boosie or Scarface are, even though they are referenced on this album.

  • Your aunt who lives in Seattle and posts pictures of the Space Needle on Instagram.

  • People who ask, “is their coffee as good as Starbucks?”

  • People who don’t know who Stringer Bell is.

  • People who loved Idris Elba on Macklemore’s 2016 deep cut “Dance Off.”

  • YG, apparently.

  • People who watch Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.

  • The guy in your English class who said he “struggles with [his] white privilege” on a daily basis.

  • People who love “Bad & Boujee” by rap singers “The Amigos.”

  • Reddit default-sub top-commenters.

  • People who are intelligent enough understand the subtle humor of Rick & Morty.

  • Your friend who pesters you about eating organic food and knowing where everything you eat comes from.

  • Your same friend who took some “fire molly” they bought from a stranger in a headdress at Coachella.

  • People who have seen every episode of How I Met Your Mother.

  • People who don’t like red onion on their salad.

  • Your friend who uses social media to validate their happiness even though you can see in their eyes that their facade of a relationship is slowly crumbling as we speak.

  • People who miss the old Kanye.

  • People who don’t miss the old Drake.

  • Your divorced father trying to relate to you too-little and too-late.

  • That “hip-hop head” who loves Travis Scott but “doesn’t get” Future.

  • Russell Wilson.

 

 

 

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